The question is more important than you think

This quote from the book Buying In (40) fascinates me:

The vast majority of our brain's activities - 98% of it, by one estimation - happens outside of conscious awareness...Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky published work indicating that people make decisions about risk partly in reaction to how a problem is framed - their risk tolerance changes depending on the working of the question they are asked, even if the issue described is, in reality, identical.

What this means is that you can look at the exact same situation and make two very different decisions based on how someone asks you a question. Nothing about the reality of the situation is different, only the words used in the question asking you to make a decision - and that can change everything!

This means that you need to make sure that you are asking the best questions you can about important decisions for yourself, for your family, and for your teams. Brainstorm the best question that really needs to be answered.

Let's think through a scenario: Your son just came home with a D on his report card. Here are two questions you can ask. Think through your initial response to the first question before you move on to the second one.

1) How are you going to punish him?

2) How are you going to help train him?

Was their a difference in the possibilities that came into your head?

It is worth spending time making sure that you have the best goals for your family and your organization so that the right inquiries can be asked - your behavior and your activities are based more on the questions that you ask, and thus try to answer, rather than abstract concepts framed on a wall.

Here is a great example from the book Made To Stick(186, 187):

Army food is just about what you'd expect: bland, overcooked, and prepared in massive quantities. The dishes are not garnished with sprigs of parsley. The mess halls are essentially calorie factories, giving the troops the fuel they need to do their jobs. An old Army proverb says, "An Army travels on its stomach."

The Pegasus chow hall, just outside the Baghdad airport, has developed a different reputation. At Pegasus, the prime rib is perfectly prepared. The fruit platter is a beautiful assortment of watermelon, kiwi fruit, and grapes. There are legends of soldiers driving to Pegasus from the Green Zone (the well-protected Americanized area of Baghdad), along one of the most treacherous roads in Iraq, just to eat a meal.

Floyd Lee, the man in charge of Pegasus, was retired from his twenty-five-year career as a Marine Corps and Army cook when the Iraq war began. He came out of retirement to take the job. "The gook Lord gave me a second chance to feed soldiers," he said. "I've waited for this job all my life, and here I am in Baghdad."

Lee is well aware that being a soldier is relentlessly difficult. The soldiers often work eighteen-hour days, seven days a week. The threat of danger in Iraq is constant. Lee wants Pegasus to provide a respite from the turmoil. He's clear about his leadership mission: "As I see it, I am not just in charge of food service; I am in charge of morale."

...

This vision manifests itself in hundreds of small actions taken by Lee's staff on a daily basis. At Pegasus, the white walls of the typical mess hall are covered with sports banners. There are gold treatments on the windows, and green tablecloths with tassels. The harsh fluorescent lights have been replaced by ceiling fans with soft bulbs. The servers wear tall white chef's hats.

The remarkable thing about Pegasus's reputation for great food is that Pegasus works with exactly the same raw materials that everyone else does. Pegasus serves the same twenty-one-day Army menu as other dining halls. Its food comes from the same suppliers. It's the attitude that makes difference. A chef sorts through the daily fruit shipment, culling the bad grapes, selecting the best parts of the watermelon and kiwi, to prepare the perfect fruit tray. At night, the dessert table features five kinds of pie and three kinds of cake. The Sunday prime rib is marinated for two full days. A cook from New orleans orders spices that are mailed to Iraq to enhance the entrees. A dessert chef describes her strawberry cake as "sexual and sensual" - two adjectives never before applied to Army food.

Lee realizes that serving food is a job, but improving morale is a mission. Improving morale involves creativity and experimentation and mastery. Serving food involves a ladle.

What is my job, or What is my mission? How do we feed all these people, or how do we improve morale? How long must we work, or how do we make this incredible?

The power of questions.

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It's A Dark Knight

Wow, just saw the movie and it was stunning. I didn't think I would go see a movie based on a comic book hero and it actually make me think. It's a good thing, and a great movie. But it was dark and disturbing.

Definitely not one for the kiddos. The Joker is not just a weirdo with makeup, but a demon trying to help people off the ledge. I could understand why someone would have a few nightmares filling in his shoes for a while. They outdid the last movie (we are a long way from Mister Mom wearing a cape!); it will be interesting to see how far they go the next time.

It was interesting in that it explored just how depraved we as a society are, and it barely gives a glimmer of hope (we don't ultimately blow each other up, but we would like to). It seems to want to bring up that old question - is humanity getting better or worse? - but I don't think it goes in one direction or the other, or even sits in the middle. It is not an either/or answer, but a both/and. We have our moments when we have that spark of goodness light up, but there is an ocean of darkness around it.

The Joker may get the spotlight, but TwoFace is the symbol - we want to be good, but sometimes it's just easier not to.

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Review of "No Country For Old Men" by Cormac McCarthy

You might have been expecting a movie about people chasing each other. There was some of that in there. You might have been expecting a movie about good guys and bad guys. There were definitely bad guys; but "good guys"? I don't know. Reckon it might depend on what kind of low standard you have for good. Everybody was supporting cast, except one - Death.

My brother and I watched the movie recently, expecting something good from the Coen brothers, who know a good story (beyond the two scripts that make up most of what is produced these days). Loved it. Shots were great, pacing was great, and it deserved the awards it received. Javier Bardem was one amazing psychopath.

Here is what I think is the best tagline from the movie: You can't stop what's coming.

I liked it so much I got the book it was based on and just finished it; wanted to get more into the story. The movie is about as close as most get to the actual book, beyond some depth. Some of my favorite lines that give the flavor of what's coming:

Where did you get that?
From the gettin' place.

You all dont be makin light of the dead thataway, Bell said.
Wendell nodded. Yessir, he said. You're right. I might be one myself one day.

[Speaking of people on death row] Quite a few people didnt believe in it. Even them that worked on the row. You'd be surprised. Some of em I think had at one time. You see somebody ever day sometimes for years and then one day you walk that man down the hallway and put him to death. Well. That'll take some of the cackle out of just about anybody. I dont care who it is. And of course some of them boys was not very bright. Chaplain Pickett told me about one he ministered to and he ate his last meal and he'd ordered this dessert, ever what it was. And it come time to go and Pickett he asked him didnt he want his dessert and the old boy told him he was savin it for when he come back. I dont know what to say about that. Pickett didnt neither.

She got her cigarettes out and lit one and turned her face and blew the smoke out into the room. Bell watched her. How do you think this is goin to end? he said.
I dont know. I dont know how nothin is goin to end. Do you?
I know how it aint.

Here a year or two back me and Loretta went to a conference in Corpus Christi and I got set next to this woman, she was the wife of somebody or other. And she kept talkin about the right wing this and the right wing that. I aint even sure what she meant by it. The people I know are mostly just common people. Common as dirt, as the sayin goes. I told her that and she looked at me funny. She thought I was sayin somethin bad about em, but of course that's a high compliment in my part of the world. She kept on, kept on. Finally told me, said: I dont like the way this country is headed. I want my granddaughter to be able to have an abortion. And I said well mam I dont think you got any worries about the way the country is headed. The way I see it goin I dont have much doubt but what she'll be able to have an abortion. I'm goin to say that not only will she be able to have an abortion, she'll be able to have you put to sleep. Which pretty much ended the conversation.

So if the real conflict in the story is not that somebody took some money and others want to have it (which by the end of the book you are saying in west Texas lingo: That boy must be dumber'n dirt; you don't spit in the wind), then what is the real conflict? It is the fight against destiny, the fight against the end of the journey, and believin that somehow, someway, that this myth expressed in the following conversation will come true:

We dont have problems. When we have problems we fix em.

Here is what you do know: you might grow old in this country, but it won't last long...

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Review of "American Shaolin" by Matthew Polly

The cover is worth the price of checking it out of the library: "Flying kicks, Buddhist Monks, and the Legend of Iron Crotch: An Odyssey in the New China" with a picture of a monk carrying a Burger King bag. Now that's good.

And it really was an entertaining read. Basically the story of a boy becoming a man, and I didn't even have to think that up - he tells you. He is marking off his list of obstacles to becoming the Matt that he should be. What drives him to China and a shaolin temple is number 3 on the list: "cowardly." He goes on a journey hoping to learn some kung-fu from some tough Asian brothers, and discovers much more.

Just reading about real life in China, that extremely large elephant in the kitchen of global power, is fascinating by itself, especially told from the viewpoint of a common traveler meeting with common Chinese people (admittedly, a person who can take a kick in the crotch is not all that common). It is also an interesting read from the anthropological view - we see the commonality and the vast cultural differences from the eyes of someone that hasn't yet formed a crusty layer of rigidity in how relationships work across boundaries.

Overall, a good, quick read. Not a classic, but worth checking out.

What is even more interesting to me is the list. Matt makes a list of what he needs to do to become a "man." Where did he get the picture of what a "man" should be like? How do you determine what is your final goal of what you should be, and how do you assess it?

My own goal, in those frank moments when I squirm while thinking of my incompetencies, is "fully human," admittedly from the viewpoint of a follower of Jesus. From this viewpoint, I will one day be there and at the moment I'm a work in process. I love conversations in which we discuss the characteristics of someone fully human. I do have my own list of obstacles:

1. Patience
2.

I honestly have much work to do, and more than this blog could hold. Patience is at the moment my number one.

So what are your lists? How are you working on them? I have asked a gentleman older than myself to meet with me occasionally so we can talk about my goals, and who I can bounce ideas. It's been great for me, but you'll have to ask him how much he likes me bugging him every week...

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The Stories We Meet

I was up late on night recently finishing up some work on a class and I wanted to get out of the house, so I went to Denny's since it is open 24/7. I was finishing up and the young lady who had been serving was doing a great job and I let her know. While we were chatting, I asked if she always worked the night shift.

She said, "No, just on the weekend. I go to school during the week."

"You go to school during the week?" It was one of those I'm struggling to get this in my mind so I'll ask a stupid question or just repeat what you already told me moments. Changing your sleeping pattern from night to day is difficult, and she just told me that she doesn't really do that. She just pulls all-nighters on the weekend so that she can work. I'm still wowed by that.

She continues on, nicely filling in for my dumb question, "Yeah, I'm only 17 and haven't finished high school so I work on the weekends. This way I can get more hours in."

I asked her what she wanted to do when she graduates. She told me that she is thinking about business, and definitely wants to travel. I told her that there are lots of good business jobs that have traveling, and told her of some friends who traveled a lot for their jobs. We talked on for a few more minutes since it was relatively slow that night.

Anyway, she cheered me up. Here is a nice, hard-working young lady who isn't angry that she's up late working - she was friendly and was doing a fantastic job at her workplace. I left her a tip that was triple my bill and wished that I could afford to give her more.

As your story overlaps the story of someone else, that intersection will be colored and developed. Those intersections happen all the time, most of it with little thought. To paint a few brush strokes of bright and lively colors on the canvas of life is not a bad way to go about living.

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Egad!

Have you heard that joke that 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name? I'm starting to get that feeling about Christians when I read news articles like this one, sent to me by my friend Jeff.

Excluding people who don't fit your standards for how they look on the outside? Please. Funny thing is, I wouldn't be allowed in that pediatrician's office because of my tattoos. I just don't get it. How is the way you look on the outside any indication of the kind of person you are? And even if it did, what about any kind of transformation that could happen afterwards?

What about the people who have the look, I'm assuming a nice trim middle-class look that really doesn't mean much is what he is after, and are not "Christian" on the inside? What if he started to exclude people who were materialistic, who had lied at some point, who had stolen something, who had looked with lust upon anything? He would deserve the patients that were left.

Why exclude anyone? Again, I just don't get it. Take a look at history to see where that path has led - excluding people based on their looks or skin color. Please, let's not go there again. Not only is it immoral, it certainly isn't the way of Christ. That person has lost his effectiveness to love a broken world, and has made it that much harder for those of us who want to.

True story: on a Saturday evening I was talking to some graduate friends about Christians who seem to think that if you don't look like a good American then you haven't made it to the top tier of Christianity. (Nothing against America, I love living here, and we have decided to make it our missional home. But God's kingdom knows no man-made boundaries.) The next day, Sunday morning, I was filling in for the preacher at a church outside of town. I met an older man who wasn't too impressed with my looks. During graduate school I decided to grow my hair longer. When I introduced myself to him, instead of saying "Howdy" or some other nice greeting, he just said, "Son, you need to get a haircut." I was a little annoyed, but I was the visiting preacher and so I didn't say anything. Except then he went on to tell me how people with long hair and tattoos need to get cleaned up before they can go to church. "Really," I said.

Here is where it got interesting. He went on to tell me:

People are like cows; some cows are bred better than other cows. Take, for instance, people in these other nations that are always fighting and we Americans are having to come in and fix it.

I was rather stunned at this point. I mentioned that Christ said that we are to love everyone. His response:

I know we are supposed to love everyone spiritually. But I don't think these people can be Christians. They just aren't bred well enough.

I said that it was a good thing that God didn't think that way, and his ancestors were at one time heathens. He said something else, but I excused myself before I really lost it. One of my angrier moments as a preacher. Next week I had a sermon on the Holy Spirit binding everyone together in love - he left early.

I know there are a lot of bigoted people claiming to follow Christ, and maybe some of them are seriously working through their issues much as I do on other things; but to see someone proclaim it so blatantly stunned me. Might as well have a sign on the door saying "No admittance for Christians who don't look like this".

My personal conviction: people like this wouldn't allow Jesus in the door because he would need to clean up his act and hang out with the right people. More "Christians" casting stones.

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The Untouched Food

Enjoy this story from Soren Kierkegaard:

What is the difference between faith and the profession of faith? (The Gospel of Suffering, pp. 141-42)

If there was a certain kind of food, an article of food which, for one reason or another, had such significance for a man that it was completely tied up with his most intimate feelings (we may imagine a national dish, or a food which has religious significance), and as a result of this it was impossible for him to remain silent if this food was scoffed at or even referred to disparagingly: then it would be natural that, if this happened in his presence, he would admit and confess his own emotions.

But let us imagine the relationship somewhat altered. We imagine this man gathered in company with several others, and this food is set before them. When it is offered them, each of the guests says personally: "This is the most excellent and precious of all foods." Certainly, if that man of whom we are speaking discovers with astonishment, or believes that he discovers, that the guests do not eat of this dish, that they leave it untouched, that they confine themselves to other foods, while they still say that the food is the most excellent and precious: is the man in that case required to acknowledge his own conviction? There is no one indeed who contradicts him, no one who says anything other than what he says.

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